About Marriage @ ELISA ENGLISH's Blog 英語園地

About Marriage

Before I get to the central point of my argument about why some Asian women prefer marrying a Caucasian, I want to express that I do see successes in some interracial marriages where the Asian woman or the Asian man does not carry a hidden agenda to purposely or exclusively seek out an American husband or wife to marry. These couples met by accident and later fell in love, which eventually led to their marriage. In their marriage, there are no strings attached, no hidden agenda, nor ulterior motive. These couples are not the protagonists of my article.

I have a hard time imagining how some people can take marriage so lightly. As I read the Chinese newspapers, I can see dozens of personal ads from Chinese females seeking American husbands. Many Chinese women are highly pragmatic and their ulterior motive is to find a rich American husband and eventually live in the US. “Getting a green card through marriage” seems such an effortless way to realize one’s American dream. .

I have heard sad stories. One actually happened to one of my girlfriends. What I knew was that she got divorced because of her husband’s affair with a Chinese woman who had been persistent in calling him even when he was at home. I could be biased and presumptuous. He seemed like a gold mine to this Chinese woman for realizing her American dream. As soon as my friends were divorced - yes, the husband was also one of my friends and he didn’t strike me as someone who would have an affair, but looks can be deceiving - this Chinese woman got her wish and married him right away. As outsiders, we will never know who approached who first and who started the affair. I can’t really judge who is right or who is wrong and it is not my business either. Though, I still consider breaking up someone’s marriage to be unforgivable, especially with this inexcusable and selfish reason of getting a green card through marriage to realize one’s American dream. To this type of people, marriage is no longer sacred. This Chinese woman probably didn’t care about marriage after all, since she knew my friend was married before getting involved with him.

Is the grass always greener on the other side? Or is it as the Chinese proverb goes “The moon in foreign countries is always rounder and brighter”? Actually this is what I think to be one of the motives that some Asian women prefer marrying an American, especially a Caucasian. There are several misconceptions ingrained in Asian women. It is believed that Americans are richer, that American men are more muscular and better in sex, that America is filled with gold or golden opportunities for a better life, that anything in America is better than that in Asia, that American education is better (I can’t dispute this), and that America men are more appreciative towards women, treat women nicer and pay more respect to women. Some other reasons that I heard about dating a Caucasian were purely out of vanity. They thought that they would look good to have a Caucasian boyfriend to show off to others and that their babies will look really cute being mixed.

To me, marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is pure, holy and sacred. It is why we call it a holy matrimony. How can one marry another with a hidden agenda? How can one marry another with ulterior motives just for the sole purpose of getting a green card to migrate to the United States? What has marriage become? A marriage of convenience? I can’t imagine marriage without mutual affection, without genuine love or mutual trust. How can one even falsify a marriage?

If you have watched the Shawshank Redemption, you will probably know Tim Robbins. I especially admire the relationship between Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon. They met in 1989 and have two sons together. They did not get married but they live like a married couple. To them, marriage is just a legal contract. They are committed to each other without that piece of marriage certificate to make their relationship legally binding. To me, this is what a true marriage is about and what a real commitment is.

On 9/16/10 in Minneapolis